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The quickest way to shut down a conversation at a party is to disclose that I am a psychotherapist. This recently happened at a friend’s wedding a few weeks ago when one of the other guests inquired about my profession; when I responded that I was a therapist, her head pulled back, her eyes widened, and her exclamation of “oh!” ground the conversation to a screeching halt. Most people clam up and quickly change the subject when they hear about my job as if I have a special type of x-ray vision that can read their thoughts. Upon reflection, I have a few ideas about why people tend to respond so strongly. Unfortunately, there continues to be a great deal of stigma surrounding mental health issues. I believe that there are a lot of misconceptions about what therapy is and what psychotherapists do, and I hope to address a few of those misunderstandings below.
Therapy can feel scary and intimidating to those who have never done it before or who have not had a good experience with mental health professionals. It’s helpful to keep in mind that not every therapist is a good fit for every client. As impactful as a negative experience in therapy can be, I encourage you to not generalize your poor connection with a specific therapist to the entire field of psychotherapy. I believe that there is a great therapist out there for everyone! If you have never been to therapy before, you could be worried about a slew of things. Maybe you think that your therapist will judge you or laugh at you behind your back. Perhaps you think that your therapist will find out what’s “wrong” with you, tell you what to do or what not to do, or make you feel like you’re messing up this whole “life” thing that you’ve mostly got under control. Or maybe you feel like you’re strong enough to just white-knuckle your way through whatever crisis you’re currently experiencing as you’ve always done. Maybe seeking therapy feels like a sign of weakness.
Everyone deserves support. I state the obvious when I say that there’s plenty going on in our world right now to be anxious, depressed, furious, and grief-stricken about. A World Health Organization report in March of 2022 cited a 25% increase in the prevalence of anxiety and depression on a global scale in the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic alone. Another study by the Institute of Education Sciences highlighted that 70% of public schools have reported an increase in demand for mental health services since the start of the pandemic. People everywhere are struggling.
The therapy that I practice (and that most therapists I know practice) is oriented to meet the primal and universal need to be patiently heard, compassionately seen, and deeply understood. The therapy that I offer (and receive) is rooted in cultivating connection– to the other person, to oneself, to the wider community. Authentic connection is something that I think everyone could benefit from, especially right now.
Therapy can offer a weekly soft landing spot–a consistent place to pause, check-in, and stabilize. It can be an opportunity to be fully witnessed as you process trauma, change, and complicated emotions. Or therapy can also be a time dedicated to learning about yourself and your relationships with others. Therapy can be a place to sort through options and clarify goals. It can serve to validate your experience and allow you to understand it from a new, more zoomed-out perspective. Therapy has been all these things for me at different phases in my life.
Therapists don’t have the answers to solve your life’s problems. We’re certainly not in a position to tell you what to do or to criticize the choices you have made. We’re also fumbling through life, doing our best but making mistakes along the way, just like everyone else. From what I have observed, therapists are not drawn to the profession because they have miraculously figured out a way to be a perfect human (spoiler alert: that doesn’t exist!) but rather because of our familiarity with a wide range of emotions and life experiences (some of them quite messy). Moreover, we chose the field of psychotherapy because we value relationships and self-understanding and hope to create an environment that facilitates that for others. Therapy has been a transformative, healing experience for me, and is one that I strive to create for my clients.
References
(2022). 2022 School Pulse Panel [Review of 2022 School Pulse Panel]. Institute of Education Sciences. https://ies.ed.gov/schoolsurvey/spp/#tab-7
World Health Organization. (2022, March 2). COVID-19 pandemic triggers 25% increase in prevalence of anxiety and depression worldwide. Www.who.int; WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION. https://www.who.int/news/item/02-03-2022-covid-19-pandemic-triggers-25-increase-in-prevalence-of-anxiety-and-depression-worldwide
Simple Tools to Calm Anxiety and Overwhelm: A Trauma-Informed Guide
As a trauma therapist, I’ve learned that helping people build practical tools to manage distress and overwhelm is a foundational part of trauma-informed care. When your nervous system feels dysregulated—whether due to anxiety, past trauma, or chronic stress—having accessible coping strategies can make a meaningful difference.
Below, you’ll find a curated list of evidence-based grounding techniques and nervous system regulation tools, drawn from approaches such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), somatic therapy, polyvagal theory, and mindfulness practices. These techniques are designed to help you feel more present, stable, and connected in moments of emotional intensity.
Not every strategy will work the same way for everyone. We are all wired differently, and you may find yourself reaching for different tools depending on the situation. That’s completely normal. I encourage you to practice these skills when you’re already feeling calm and regulated—this makes it much easier to access them during moments of overwhelm, when it can be harder to think clearly or connect with internal resources.
If you find this guide helpful, feel free to share it with others who might benefit.
When you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or emotionally flooded, grounding techniques can help bring your nervous system back into a more regulated state. Below are a variety of evidence-based strategies to support you in feeling more present, calm, and connected.
Intentional breathing is one of the fastest ways to signal safety to your body and reduce anxiety.
Box Breathing: Inhale, hold, exhale, and hold again for equal counts (e.g., 4–4–4–4).
4-7-8 Breathing: Inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale slowly for 8.
Belly Breathing: Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Take a slow, deep breath and notice your belly rise and fall. Repeat several times.
These techniques help anchor you in the present moment when your mind is racing or stuck in the past.
5-4-3-2-1 Grounding:
Name 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste.
Hold a small object and notice its texture, weight, and temperature.
Experiment with temperature:
Cold (ice cube, cold water, cold shower) can feel activating/resetting
Warmth (tea, sunlight, heating pad) can feel soothing
Eat something mindfully (e.g., sour candy, lemon, dark chocolate) and focus fully on the sensory experience.
Go outside or take a walk and notice details: air temperature, sounds, colors, movement.
Smell something pleasant, like a candle or essential oil.
Sometimes giving your mind a break is the most effective way to reduce distress.
Watch a funny or comforting video
Snuggle a pet or hold something soft
Listen to music you love (and move your body if it feels good)
Engage in something creative like coloring, drawing, or crafting
These techniques help release stored tension and regulate your nervous system through the body.
Hum or sing (can stimulate the vagus nerve and promote calm)
Stretch gently: arms overhead, shoulders, neck, jaw, hands
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: tense a muscle group for ~10 seconds, then release
Move your body: short bursts of intensity (plank, jumping jacks, etc.)
Body scan: notice sensations without judgment and breathe into areas of tension
Press your feet into the ground or stomp gently to feel more anchored
Rub your palms together and notice sensation and warmth
Tap your fingers rhythmically, alternating left and right
These tools help you process what you’re feeling and build emotional clarity.
Journal freely or with prompts
Use a feelings wheel to identify and name emotions
Talk to someone you trust
Visualization can help create a sense of safety and distance from overwhelming thoughts.
Picture someone you love and imagine what they might say to comfort you
Visualize a safe or favorite place using all your senses
Practice containment imagery:
Imagine placing distressing thoughts or feelings into a container (box, closet, train, etc.) and setting them aside
You don’t have to use all of these tools—just start with one or two that feel accessible. There’s no “right” way to do this. With practice, these strategies can become supportive resources for navigating anxiety, trauma responses, and everyday stress.
If you’re looking for additional support, working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you build a personalized set of tools that fit your unique nervous system, while also helping you better understand the roots of your anxiety and process past experiences so they no longer feel as overwhelming in your day-to-day life.